How To Write Obituaries: 9 Steps To Craft A Loving Tribute

Writing an obituary is one of those tasks that feels impossible at first. You’re grieving, you’re trying to be respectful, and somehow you still need to fit a whole life into a few paragraphs. I get it—when I’ve had to help with drafts, the hardest part wasn’t the format. It was choosing the words that felt true.

Take a breath. I’ll walk you through a simple 9-step process you can follow without overthinking it. By the time you’re done, you’ll have a loving tribute that covers the basics and still sounds like the person you’re honoring.

We’ll cover everything from the announcement to family details, service info, and those small personal touches—like a favorite quote or a memory—that make people stop and say, “That’s exactly how they were.”

1. How to Write an Obituary

Writing an obituary doesn’t have to be fancy. It just has to be accurate and kind. In my experience, the best drafts come from starting with facts and then adding a few human details that only you (and the people who knew them) would think to include.

Before you write a single sentence, gather the basics: full name, age, date and place of death, and a quick list of life highlights. Think milestones like education, career, marriage, military service (if relevant), and community involvement.

Most obituaries fall around 200–300 words, but some newspapers have strict limits. What I usually do is aim for 220–260 words first, then trim. You can always cut a sentence later—adding details is harder when you’re already out of space.

If you’re stuck on the tone or what to include, you might find it easier to start with prompts. I’ve used realistic writing prompts myself when I needed a nudge to get the words flowing.

2. Announce the Death

The opening should be direct. People are looking for the name and the basics right away—especially friends who haven’t heard yet.

Start with their full name, age, and the date and place of death. If you want to include a gentle detail (like “peacefully” or “surrounded by family”), keep it simple and respectful.

Example: “Emily Rose Thompson, 68, passed away peacefully on October 15, 2023, surrounded by her family at home.”

That’s it. No long setup. Just clear information, then you move into the story.

3. Recount Details About Their Life

Now comes the part that actually feels like a tribute.

Share the highlights: where they were born (if you want), what they studied, what their career looked like, and any major accomplishments. But don’t list everything like a résumé. Pick 2–4 “anchor” points that show who they were.

And please—include their interests. Hobbies matter. What did they do on weekends? What did they talk about at gatherings? What made them light up?

Example: “Emily dedicated over 30 years to teaching elementary school, touching the lives of countless children.”

One personal anecdote can do more than a paragraph of facts. Maybe it’s how they always remembered birthdays, or how they volunteered at the same place for years, or the way they made people feel welcome.

If you’re finding it hard to turn memories into readable text, it can help to think of it like storytelling. If you want more structure, these memoir writing prompts can be a helpful starting point.

Keep the focus on impact. What did their life change for other people?

4. Include Surviving Family Members

Listing survivors is one of the most practical parts of an obituary—and it’s also a way to acknowledge who’s carrying the loss.

Start with the closest people: spouse or partner, then children (and spouses if you want), then grandchildren. After that, include parents, siblings, or other relatives if they’re part of the family circle.

It’s also completely okay to mention special friends who were “like family.” Those relationships often mean everything.

Example: “She is survived by her husband, Michael; her daughters, Sarah (Mark) and Jessica (Daniel); and four beloved grandchildren.”

One thing I always remind people: be careful with sensitive situations. If there’s divorce, estrangement, or complicated relationships, you don’t have to list everyone. You can use wording like “loving family members” to keep things respectful without oversharing.

The goal is simple: recognize the people who mattered most to them.

5. Provide Funeral or Memorial Service Information

This section helps readers actually show up. Without it, people can feel stuck or unsure where to go.

Include the date, time, and location. If there’s a specific name for the service (like “celebration of life,” “memorial service,” or “funeral mass”), use the exact wording your family prefers.

Example: “A celebration of Emily’s life will be held on October 20, 2023, at 2 p.m. at Grace Church, 123 Main Street.”

If the service is private, delayed, or by invitation only, say so clearly. Example: “Due to current circumstances, a private service will be held with immediate family.”

Also, if there’s a livestream or virtual option, include it. In recent years, more families have used online attendance so friends and relatives who can’t travel still feel connected.

And yes—many people will search online for details. When I’ve seen obituaries shared digitally, the service info is usually what gets read first.

Clear details make it easier for everyone to honor your loved one in the way you’re planning.

6. Add a Special Message or Charity Information

After the main details, add a closing that feels personal. This is where you can include a quote, a short message from the family, or a simple “she will be deeply missed” line that sounds like you.

Example: “Her favorite saying was, ‘Live life to the fullest and laugh often.’”

If your loved one supported a cause, you can suggest donations in their memory. Keep it straightforward—one organization is usually enough unless the family has multiple requests.

Example: “In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to the American Heart Association.”

I like this approach because it turns grief into something meaningful. It’s not just “what to do,” it’s a way to keep their values going.

7. Choose an Appropriate Photo

A good photo gives people an immediate sense of the person behind the dates.

Pick a clear, recent image if possible—something that shows their face well and feels natural. If they’re smiling, even better. If not, choose a photo that still captures their vibe: proud, calm, adventurous, whatever fits.

Alternatively, use a cherished picture from a meaningful moment—a graduation, a family trip, a holiday gathering, or something tied to their hobbies.

One practical note: some publications have guidelines about file size and format. I’d check before you finalize, because nothing is more frustrating than having to re-upload at the last minute.

When the photo is right, it does more than “fill space.” It helps people remember them as they were.

8. Final Tips for Writing the Obituary

Before you hit submit, do a quick read-through like you’re a stranger. Would you be able to find the key details fast? Name, dates, survivors, and service info—are they easy to spot?

Keep the length in mind. Most obituaries are still in that 200–300 word range, even if you personally want to include everything. Trust me, you’ll want to include everything.

What helps is trimming by purpose. If a sentence doesn’t add clarity, personality, or impact, it probably goes.

Also, ask one other person to proofread if you can. Not because you missed something—because grief makes everyone’s brain a little slower. A second set of eyes catches typos, wrong dates, and name spellings.

And if you need to step away for a bit, do it. I’ve learned that forcing yourself to write through tears usually makes the draft worse, not better.

If the writing style feels tricky—like you’re not sure whether to use present tense, past tense, or how to phrase memories—this advice on present tense writing can help you choose a consistent approach.

Your job isn’t to be perfect. Your job is to honor their memory in a way that feels like them.

9. Sharing the Obituary

Once your obituary is finalized, share it in a few places so people actually find it.

Local newspapers are still a common choice—both in print and online. I’ve noticed that online versions often get picked up by search engines and shared by relatives who don’t live nearby.

You can also post on social media. When families share a link, it gives friends an easy way to send condolences and read the details without asking the same questions over and over.

Some families create a memorial website where people can leave messages and share photos. If you’re considering that, a resource like the best website builders can help you get something up quickly.

And don’t underestimate email. A simple message to a group chat, a church list, or extended family can reach people who don’t check social media often.

However you share it, the point is the same: make sure everyone who cared for them has a chance to honor their memory.

FAQs

Here are some common questions people have when they’re writing an obituary:

I hope this helps.